I seem to be waiting for something to happen. I mean, stuff has happened. Some MAJOR stuff....but I just don't seem to be wanting to put my thoughts together on them! I have a partial post done that I haven't posted....it was all so scary when it happened that I just couldn't seem to put my words down correctly. Dennis (and so that means WE) had a very big scare a while ago. My phone rang his tune and when I picked up I thought someone was playing a joke on me....he says "this is Dennis...." and I'm like, not MY Den! "I'm one of your husband's co-workers, one of the OTHER Dennis'. We have Dennis here and he's not feeling well at all and we're not sure what is going on but it seems to be rather serious so we called the paramedics and they're with him now."
So then my heart was in my feet or something and I feel this DREAD. The only thing that kept rolling through my mind was that song by Baz Lurhmann's "Ladies and Gentlemen of the Class of '99", where he says: " The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday." Only it WAS Monday...but you get the gist!
I was blindsided. I was thinking through in fast motion/or slow....I don't really know. I had to get someone over to get Kenna because I wanted her with MY family. Den's Mom just isn't good with these things and I thought it would be better all around for Kenna. So I told them to let me know where they were taking him and I think I thanked him for calling me. I then called my Mom and Dad and just said" Come here now and take Kenna back to your place. They're taking Dennis to some hospital and I want her with you." And they said: "We are on the way."
Then I told Kenna what little I knew. She is NOT your average nine year old and you just can't bullshit her....so I gave her a synopsis and she looked at me and asked if Daddy was going to be okay. And I immediately said "of course he will be." And she said, "I'm going with YOU." And I told her that she couldn't because they wouldn't let her in and I didn't know what was going on. She then held both of my arms and looked me straight in the eye and asked again." Mom, is Daddy going to be okay?" And I looked down at her and said "I really don't know honey...but I DO know that there are lots of Spirits around him right now because they love him. Kari and Patty (his deceased sisters) are there and so is Uncle Stevie! (My deceased brother.) You know that whatever happens, we will be OKAY."
Then I went in the front room and told his Mom what had happened...and in front of Kenna she said: "Oh, my GOD, first my nephew dies (we had received that news hours previously) and Now Dennis. He can't die too!" And I said: " And he's NOT going to today....because he's strong and has lots of support....and there will be NO MORE talk about it." Then I went up and took a three minute shower because I needed it.
I came back downstairs and without brushing my hair, I got into my van and started driving toward Tempe. Den's boss had called back to tell me that they were taking him to St. Lukes and told me how to get there. I then called Amy and said: "Meet me at St. Lukes on Mill, they are taking Den there by ambulance." And she said "I'll meet you there. Do you need us to take Kenna?" And so I told her that Mom and Dad were going to pick her up....
The outcome of this story is that Dennis was NOT having the heart attack that everyone thought he was having but rather a very, very bad kidney stone attack. He ended up being fine.....but it scared the crap out of him, me and everyone around us. The good news is he is fine....very shaken up and had to endure a LOT of pain, but otherwise unscathed. It was good for it to happen in that it shook him up enough to get his "zest for life" back that he'd been rather lax on lately.
I think it's good to remember that we all had dreams and ambitions...some we may have lost along the way, some we found out just weren't for us....but maybe a few can be polished off and if we look really hard for them, we may yet find them. I really need to focus on what I want to be when I grow up...and it took this scare to make me see it.
So in the words of Baz and in reference for us all to remember:
Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of ’99
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be
it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by
scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable
than my own meandering experience…I will dispense this advice now.
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not
understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded.
But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and
recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before
you and how fabulous you really looked….You’re not as fat as you
imagine. Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as
effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing
bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that
never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm
on some idle Tuesday. Do one thing everyday that scares you. Sing Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours. Floss Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes
you’re behind…the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with
yourself. Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you
succeed in doing this, tell me how. Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements. Stretch Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your
life…the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they
wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year
olds I know still don’t. Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone. Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children,maybe
you won’t, maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky
chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary…what ever you do, don’t
congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either – your
choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s. Enjoy your body,
use it every way you can…don’t be afraid of it, or what other people
think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever
own.. Dance…even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room. Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them. Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly. Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for
good. Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the
people most likely to stick with you in the future. Understand that friends come and go,but for the precious few you
should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and
lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you
knew when you were young. Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live
in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel. Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will
philander, you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize
that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were
noble and children respected their elders. Respect your elders. Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund,
maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one
might run out. Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will
look 85. Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who
supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of
fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the
ugly parts and recycling it for more than
it’s worth. But trust me on the sunscreen…