Sunday, December 2, 2012

Where is a woman to go?

What I'm feeling tonight..........................
K.T. writes it right.

Doo-Da, Doo-Da, Doo-Da, Doo-Da Day
Maybe he was wrong, maybe I wasn’t even right
Whatever the reason I’m on my own tonight
He’s gone a his way and I’ve gone mine
But I’ll bet you get that story all the time
Sometimes your friends ain’t always available
To pick you up when you’re feelin’ down, down, down, down
You know my daddy would die if he knew his baby
Was seekin’ refuge in a little ol’ bar ‘cross town
(But tell me where is a woman to go
When she’s feelin’ low
And all she wants to do is feel a little better
Tell me where is a woman to go
When she’s feelin’ low
All she wants to do is feel a little better)
Hey bartender honey gimme change for a ten dollar bill
Bring in back as stack of quarters, if you will
‘Cause I’m gonna play every song on your jukebox that makes me cry
Gonna find out how many tears ten dollars can buy
(Repeat Chorus)
All she wants to do is feel a little better
Tell me where is woman to go
When she’s feelin’ low
And all she wants to do is feel a little better
Doo-Da, Doo-Da, Doo-Da, Doo-Da Day
I said Doo-Da, Doo-Da, Doo-Da, Doo-Da Day

Friday, November 30, 2012


It is the ache that every mother of every child born to not be "normal."  It is the gut wrenching, terrifying point when you realize that your kid is not going to be like other kids.  Not that any two kids are alike and not like I do not love my child with every ounce of my soul.........

But I sometimes long to have her be accepted and let her excel at whatever she tries instead of being a genius in some things while struggling so much in others.  To almost always be confused by social norms, to be teased for being different, to be hurt on a continual basis due to her unique situation.

I want to scoop her up and keep her warm and safe away from the "idiot children (and dare I say ADULTS) of the world that she MUST interact with on a daily basis. I know I can't keep her from hurting or from learning what she needs to in order to survive but when your child tells you that she'd rather sit alone in her room in the dark with her computer than trusting a friend whom she knows will end up hurting her in some way.........agh.  I just can't take it anymore!

This new school offers such great kids who are interested in the Arts and Academics!  The double whammo!  I didn't expect an interloper here.  I don't think she did either.  Someone who makes the crazy sign behind my daughter's back and who tells everyone in a fake facebook post lies and maybe some secrets thought shared between two friends.

So much for trust.  So much for trying.  If this other girls only KNEW how hard it was for my girl to reach out and wiggle her toe in the pond of friendship.  If she cared that for X to trust and feel safe was such a major thing!  I really want to go down to her level and fight fire with fire!!!!!!

But I have to deal with X.  I have to get her into her medical team for evaluation, rock and console her.  Give her the comfort that I can......and hope that after this disappointment, this foray into getting hurt again, she will give friendship another try.  I hope and pray that she finds a true friend.  One who will fight with and for her and never let her down.  And I hope that friend comes soon!

Friday, October 19, 2012

This, That and The Other....

I'm not going to's been a very trying time lately.  Life has a way of throwing you curves when you least expect it.  It's like that newspaper editorial that got turned into a Baz Lurhmann song:

Inside every adult lurks a graduation speaker dying to get out, some world-weary pundit eager to pontificate on life to young people who'd rather be Rollerblading. Most of us, alas, will never be invited to sow our words of wisdom among an audience of caps and gowns, but there's no reason we can't entertain ourselves by composing a Guide to Life for Graduates.

I encourage anyone over 26 to try this and thank you for indulging my attempt.Ladies and gentlemen of the class of '97:

Wear sunscreen.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum.
The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday.
Do one thing every day that scares you.


Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.


Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.


Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.

Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.

Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.

 That highlighted part up there.  It's the totally unexpected thing that kind of creeps up on you or goes:  WHAM!  Uh, guess I wasn't quite paying attention like I should have been.

So, I have recently had some of that going on.  It's been damn rough.  Rough enough that I needed help figuring it all out so I went back to seeing a counselor again.  Sometimes you just can't figure everything out on your own.  Sometimes you need a totally unbiased opinion...ya know?

I've fallen in a trap of self-inflicted mediocrity.  Or as my therapist likes to call it:  "Ground Hog Day Syndrome."  You wake up every day and do what you did yesterday.  There might be slight variations depending on your basic schedule but really it's just the same old, same old.  Some may call it a RUT.

I call it OVER!  I need to learn where my BLISS is again.  Or, what my new BLISS is.  Is it jewelry, social media, drinking heavily? (Just kidding ;o)  What makes me happy and when did I lose that happiness?  How do I get it back?  Why does my mind feel young but my body feel so old? (That's another entry.)

So my goals for myself are:  (and oooooooh, I just thought of another one!)  Putting myself out there and meeting new people.  Underneath all of my goofy extrovertedness is really a kind of introvert lurking shyly in a corner.  I need to show myself that I can risk being hurt in friendships again.  I have really been hurt in this area of my life and tend to keep really good friends from long ago...but those people are spread far and wide and I only have a couple here in AZ.  So I am doing some scary stuff lately. 

I signed up for and have joined a few groups.  Ha, now I just need to attend a steps!  I've friended a few people on facebook who look interesting to me.  I've even friend requested some people who kind of intimidated me just to see if they'd accept!  (They did!)  Oh, I UNFRENDED a few too!  Empowering!  If there are "Negative Nellies" then I choose not to hang around them. 

I'm taking my daughter to a friend's house who's Mom I talk to at school tomorrow.  Who knows?  Maybe the Mom's will bond like the kids have!  The point is:  I'm trying to make friends because connections matter.

I am going to get serious about some of my hobbies.  I am going to make jewelry again.  It is relaxing for me and I might just make a few bucks!  I have thought about helping out some business owners with their social media....some people are born to have a restaurant and don't have the time or patience to put out funny and or exciting fb posts!  But I live on fb and that might be fun! (May work for food!)

I've put my mind to actually sitting down and writing the Children's Books from the stories which I told McKenna long ago!  Or, maybe I'll write some other stuff.  Who knows?  Creativity is boundless!  I may just start writing and see what I end up with (besides my blogs!)

I am continuing my quest to change my eating.  I've been soda free for 2.5 years, gluten free for 17 months and red meat free for 2.5 months.  The soda was by choice, the gluten was by disease and the meat was by both choice and disease!  (Did you know it takes a normal body 4.5 DAYS to get red meat all the way through your plumbing?  And I am not "normal" so it took me way longer.)  EWWWWW........I know!

What's next?  Well, I have found out I am allergic to beats (I itch, etc.)   I have a sensitivity to brocolli and spinach.  It wasn't until after going gluten free that I could figure these things out.  Before I was so messed up I probably couldn't distinguish it all.  I hope that's where my in tolerances end, but I know it's not where my eating changes end.  Now I'm on a health mission!  Anti-inflammatory items will be added.  I'm going to address the acids vs. alkaline idea.  There really is no end in sight to my changes!

So this all started out of left field.  That thing that just hits you............but I guess I'm glad for it.  It made me wake up and LIVE again. The rest of that speech I have taken to heart as well.  Have you?  Really, think about it.  Are you in a rut too?

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Hey, Hey it's a new year! Well, school that is!

Yup, here in Arizona they start early.  School started August 8th!  Wow!  I can't believe my last post was almost a year ago!  So McKenna did very, very well for her time in public school.  She did especially well in math!  Go Kenna!

This year she really wanted to go to an Art School.  She made a great presentation to us on why she thought it would be a better fit for her and we had to agree!  The school she picked is big on both Art and Academics and that made us happy.  They do have a relatively relaxed dress code and they DON'T CARE WHAT COLOR HAIR YOU HAVE!!  I see streaks of bright red, purple, green, pink, blue and I see whole heads of vibrant bright color!

I don't think it's distracting to anyone's education..........however, I think it makes the kids feel more in control of their own individuality!  I think it's an awesome aspect of going to this school.  I saw a kid with a zombie unicorn shirt and I've seen kids with short shorts on........but they have leggings on underneath (short shorts are a no no alone!)  I'm down with that! 

I love the kids who look like Flash Dance throw backs!  This school offers music, dance, fine arts, drama and vocal classes.  McKenna has piano and Art for electives which she gets every single day.  There are a few issues because it's a brand new school but man are they pretty cool!  She is happy and having fun. 

Happy to see her so happy!