Friday, April 5, 2013

Lost in the Circles Goin' Round

I feel like I am stuck in a never ending spiral............Is down up, up down..........right left, left right....nothing left. Spent.  The thoughts spin around until I feel as if this must be what it feels to be mad.  However, I am a person who may have "flights of fancy" but am grounded in reality practically 99.9 percent of the time.  That is why the last year of my life has been so challenging!

I literally feel like I am in uncharted territory.  I look for answers to life's questions in song, prose and movies.  I have reverted to the music of my youth in an attempt to have something familiar and "safe."  At least I am grounded in familiar.  I am unaware if I can find safe again anytime soon.  It's like the song Free Falling by another childhood friend, Mr. Tom Petty.  I was a good girl.  Still am.  Still trying to live a good life.

To Connect..............

She found it easier to crawl inside herself instead of trying to  connect.  

Easier by far than to connect.

Never finding anyone who understood her, she stumbled through life…

Wanting more but not knowing how to get it. 

How do you know what you are looking for when you don’t know what it is?

And so it went.  Decade after decade of wanting something that eluded her.

She thought a few times she had done it.  She thought she had figured out the system!  

 She thought that she had found someone who would get her.

But that had been untrue.  Alone again she wandered.